Wishing For A Backbone

Married for 17 years. Wished for 17 years. Finally got my backbone . . . 17 years after my wedding day.

When I was a kid, I remember fighting over who would get to break the wishbone after a big turkey meal. When it was my turn, I would hold tightly onto one end in hopes that my part would be bigger. I would close my eyes, repeat my wish at least two times and then I would PULL. Sometimes my wish was as simple as wishing for a good grade on a test and sometimes it was more of a grandiose wish such as winning the lottery (I’m still broke so obviously that wish didn’t come true!). But either way, each time I would wish for something. Many of the wishes were things that I could make happen on my own. If I studied hard, I would do well on the test. If I played the lottery, there is a 1 in a zillion chance that I could win the big jackpot. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right?

Fast forward to today. Adulthood. The part of life that no one every learned in school. The bills. The committments. The making dinner every night. The having to do laundry. The scrubbing of the toilets. Oh the agony!

It was the year 2000. I met a guy. He treated me well. Initially. We married. As time went on, the relationship changed, and not for the better. But I was already moving forward with this guy. I wasn’t getting any younger. I thought that we could live a good life together. Then the great news arrived. I was pregnant with my baby girl. Two years later brought more good news as I was pregnant with my baby boy. Isn’t this how adulthood is supposed to happen? Forget that I found out he had cheated on me. Forget that I found out the lies he told me. Forget that I wasn’t attacted to him. Sure, just go with the flow even though I sat endless days and nights crying and lonely wishing my life was so different. “But I can’t do anything now,” I pondered, “I have two kids. We have a house together. We have pets. We have utility bills in both our names (gasp!). What would my family and friends think?”

So I wished. I watched all the romantic movies and TV shows and dreamed my life could be like that. It took me into another realm where I could fantasize the perfection you only see on the big screen.

• “You had me at hello.” ~ Jerry McQuire
• “I want all of you, forever, every day.” ~ The Notebook
• “You will always be my greatest adventure.” ~ Disney’s Up
• “I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so badly.” ~ You’ve Got Mail
• “Penny, we are made of particles that have existed since the moment the universe began. I like to think those atoms traveled 14 billion years through time and space to create us so that we could be together and make each other whole. ~ The Big Bang Theory
• “Most of my life I felt alone even when I was with people. That was until I met you.” ~ Pretty Little Liars 

Toes are curling. Heart is pounding. Getting a little…um…anyhow. That is what I wished for. Watching. Wishing. Dreaming. Letting these fleeting romantic moments seen on the movie screen, on television or even on social media (even though half those mushy couples professing their undying love to one another is just a crock of crap, but let’s pretend and let the world think otherwise).

I was only wishing and letting those transient moments mask what I was really feeling so I wouldn’t have to actually do something about my situation. That was the hardest part: Facing reality. Stop wishing. Start to use the backbone God so generously bestowed upon me.

The truth is, some want it to happen, some wish it to happen and others make it happen. If you have a wish, you also have the power to make it true. We can go around wishing for things to happen and never come to be truly happy. Or we can go out and get it done. So step aside people and make your move!

This does not only apply to relationships. This can apply to work, school, getting in shape, trying to write a blog that will hopefully help and motivate others (oh, that’s my wish!) or many other aspects of life.

Seventeen years later, I used the backbone that was always there and I decided to take charge. After so many downfalls that led to the ultimate demise of my marriage, I straightened up (knowing full well that I will encounter many challenges along the way with my decision) and LEFT! And lo and behold, I became stronger. What? Huh? How did that happen? Strength brings upon strength. Strength does not come from what you can do, it comes from overcoming the things you thought you could not do (and that is why we wish!).

I had it in me all along. The definition of a backbone is the chief support of a system or organization; the mainstay. Your ultimate support system is first and foremost YOURSELF. Without you, what do you have? Nothing. Place your hand on your backbone. Yes, I mean right now. Come on, do it! Feel it’s strength? Now twist, bend, move your body while still having your hand on your backbone. Feel it move. That is your core. That is your strength. That is your mainstay. That is what holds you all together. Now sit back up to your original position. Now simply wish your body to twist, bend, move. Did anything happen? No. Why? Because you only wished it to happen. Using your backbone will make things happen.

If you don’t go after what you want, you will never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no. If you don’t step forward, you will always be in the same place.

STOP wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.

STOP idly wishing for the things you want.

START by turning your wishes into motivation.

START by putting in a lot of time, hard work and effort to live the life you want.

START by doing!

Never grow a wishbone where you backbone ought to be.

Side Note: Please understand that wishes are not bad. We can wish and we can make our wishes come true. That is the good side to wishes. So wish away and remember you have a backbone to make your wishes become reality. It is all up to you.

Please share your stories, thoughts, accomplishments, happiness, strengths, etc. Follow me on QuoteTherapy.com and Instagram at Quote_Therapy_101. I’m rooting for you!