I am okay. I am not okay. Swapping between those two emotions can happen a hundred times a day. I am hurt. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. But I continue my walk with a smile because that is who I am.
Sometimes I go about my day without knowing what the heck I am feeling. But one feeling that I try to keep constant is to be strong. How do I keep strong when my insides feel like they are withering away? I hide all my problems behind my smile where there lies a world of pain and hurt. Others may think they know me, but they don’t know the me that feels way too much.
There have been so many days that I wish someone would stop me in my tracks, put their hands on my shoulders, look past me and into my aching soul and say, “You do NOT need to be strong all the friggin’ time!” And that is all they would say. No judgement. No advice. Just be there. And I would either say, “I’m okay” or I would break down and cry.
We tell ourselves we are strong and can muddle through the aches and pains. Then we get to that quiet place where there is no one to impress, no one to feel pity for you, no one to interrupt you and you just cry. CRY! CRY! CRY!
Tears are the words that the heart cannot say. Each tear that drops is filled with regret, hope, sadness, strength, fear, success, worry, passion, unworthiness and the list goes on. Crying becomes a best friend. Crying is how the heart speaks when words forsake explanation. These falling droplets have a mind of their own as they find their way down the cheek to relinquish the weight of emotions.
Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears every now and then so that we can view life with clearer vision. Crying is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being overwhelmed, going through too much, and a sign of a pure heart that needs rejuvenation or a release. It is our body’s defense mechanism that says our heart can no longer handle the pain, so tears form as raindrops from the storms inside of us.
So smile. Cry. Be happy. Be sad. Just because we feel thousands of emotions does not mean we need to condemn ourselves to any of them. Pretending to be happy when in pain is just an example of our strength. Everyone we meet is fighting an internal battle. It is not just us. So if all you did today was hold yourself together, be proud.
Sometimes all you can do is smile. AND THAT IS OKAY!
Quote Therapy 101 
I was mentally abused by my father when I was younger. Seeing this reminded me of when I was younger and I felt all hope was lost. I would think back to times where it was hard for me to get out of bed because I was so depressed. How do you get out of bed every morning knowing what is happening in your life? Thank you for taking the time to read this. I love your posts and it really inspires me.
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Hi Hannah…I sent a reply to you however I do not see it on here. Can you let me know if you received it? I sent it about 5 days ago. Thank you.
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I did not get your comment.
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Hi Hannah. I rewrote my reply to you. I am not sure why it did not go through initially, but I hope this one gets to you. Please let me know. Thank you and I’m rooting for you!
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Hi Hannah. Thank you for sharing your story and taking the time to read my post. I am so very sorry to know that you were mentally abused by your father when you were younger. I don’t think there is an age limitation with mental abuse, but you were molded as a young girl and I am happy that you read this post, identify with it and recognize what was happening to you at the time. That is your first HUGE step – recognition. I found myself becoming so lazy, but it was only my sadness and I did the same as you and stayed in bed for as long as I could. I just didn’t want to get up and face each day. My blessings were and are my children that made having to get up and sieze the day imperative. I do not believe that you ever overcome all the mental and emotional abuse, but you have to learn to live through it. You need to understand that what happened to you was not because of you, it was because of him. With time, you see that the person he made you “become” is not the person who you truly are. You were simply a kindhearted person reacting to a very unkind situation, but focus on the person who you truly are. The insults, criticism and accusations do eat away at you and play with your self-esteem to the point that you are incapable of judging a situation clearly. I began to believe that something was wrong with me and thought I was losing my mind so many times. It’s as though you get beaten down so much that you blame yourself for the abuse. But the key factor here is that it was not you, it was him. Once you can see that, your therapy within can begin. Do not let someone who did you wrong make you believe there is something wrong with you. Value yourself enough even if they did not value you. You know your worth. Seize that!
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This was by far the most powerful thing that I have ever read. Thank for for taking your time to write this.
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Thank you Katine for taking the time to read “Okay…Not Okay…” I am so glad you enjoyed it and I do sincerely hope that you took away something important from it, whether little or big. Today’s world is a difficult one to live in, but we need to do whatever it is we need to do to get through. I wish you all the best and am here is you wish to communicate more. Please follow me as I will be posting new blogs weekly or more. Thank you again for sharing your comment with me.
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