I entered into my relationship with the intent of only love and devotion. The love was great at first, or so I convinced myself it was. I cherished his kind and angelic gestures, the thoughtful notes he would leave for me to find in his absence, the toothpaste he left on my toothbrush, the flowers sent to my work for all my fellow coworkers to see and gawk over, and the lavish gifts he would shower upon me. “Wow,” I thought, “I’m the luckiest girl in the world!”
All this bliss had me spellbound. He showered me with the attention I told him my previous relationships lacked. He knew my every weakness and promised to not do to me what others had done to me in the past. I soaked up all his words and believed him. I happily mapped out a future with my soon-to-be husband. Yes, it was love. Right?
WRONG!
He went fishing and caught a guppy that fell for his manipulating ways. I had been completely tricked and deceived and quickly swallowed by a greedy fish all unbeknownst to me. I was hooked and didn’t even realize it. The line could be reeled out fast or slow, it did not seem to matter. However, the sinker was the worst as I flailed underwater, gasping for air over and over again. Hook, line and sinker! Then entered the feelings of hate. How could someone who professed his love for me drown me without hesitation?
After being held under water just before the point of suffocation, the so-called bliss was restored. He would be helpful, buy me things, write me sweet notes, and gave me compliments all the while making sure his good deeds were shouted from mountaintops to anyone who would listen. Thus, I did not drown. I survived and turned back on the love that I believed I should have felt for my husband.
Once again, bliss came to the rescue just in time. It lasted as long as he felt necessary to ensure my recovery, and for him to continue with the brainwashing. As the bliss began to dissipate once again, in came another element: Heat. It was always a fiery, confusing and uncomfortable heat. Out came the pointy devil ears protruding from either side of his head as he grabbed his pitchfork ready to stab wherever he could with his manipulations. Unveiled once more was the devil himself. I hate devils.
Temperatures would rise and blame would be placed upon me even if I did nothing wrong. He would be out until late hours of the evening to come home to a worried and concerned me, only to get blamed for questioning him. He would change stories of what he had told me and I would doubt myself. He made promises that he rarely ever kept. He had me thinking I was the crazy one. I kept trying to put out the fires, but gasoline seemed the only weapon left for me to use. The flames ensued, unless I succumbed to his beliefs and views. I hate self-doubt.
We met Love-Hate above. Let me now introduce you to Hate-Tolerate. Also known as walking past him with your middle finger sticking up in his direction, “F”-bombing him in your mind, making a capital “L” on your forehead, wishing horrible things upon him but not truly wanting them to happen. Yeah, I hate him but I learned to tolerate him.
“Knock. Knock. Knock.”
“Who’s there?” asked beaten down Guppy.
“It’s Bliss,” said Bliss. “Let me in.”
“Come on in!” replied manipulated Guppy, hopeful for the next glimpse of so-called fairytale happiness.
And the beat went on…!
BUT FOR HOW MUCH LONGER CAN HATE-TOLERATE PREVAIL?
When you begin to ask yourself that question repeatedly, then that is the clue. That, my friends, is called your breaking point. The scariest, most exhilarating time of my life. DONE became the word repeated over and over in my mind (well, aside from those “F”-bombs!).
I did not wish to live in mediocrity anymore. I was DONE and I was out. Not an easy task, but a better life has ensued. It is said that hatred is wasted energy, but my hatred of how I was treated helped me to break free from an unhealthy, controlling relationship and made me search to discover my worth. I choose to not live a life of Love-Hate and definitely not a life of Hate-Tolerate. I still will always hate how I allowed him to mind twist me, but I have used the negative of it all in my journey to self-discovery for a better and fulfilled life. I wish that for you too.
Quote Therapy 101 
Wow😯 So powerful to read… agony, depth & despair. You have risen !👊🏼💜👏🏼
Thank you 🙏🏼
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We all rise when we learn and grow from our past. ❤️🥰💕
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Love love love this!💛🧡
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Thank you, Gina. I’m glad you love it and not love-hate it! 🤣
Wishing you all the best.
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Wow this sounds just like what happened to me! It happened to me about ten years ago so if you need any advice I’d be happy to share some! Best of luck! Men are pretty crappy!
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Hi Kitten. Thank you for responding. I am very sorry this happened to you, but so happy to hear that you have gotten out of that situation and hopeful you are living a more fulfilled and happy life. While I am still new getting out of this, I find there are always lingering emotions that pop up out of the blue and bring me to tears. I am trying to use what I went through to provide me strength, but we all have our breaking points. I hope you have recovered fully. Best to you and thank you for your input. xo
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This is so powerfully written. Well said!🙌🏾👍🏾
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Hi Mark. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I appreciate your support and I hope you are living a love-love life. 🙂
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Damn loving this again!
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Love that you love it, but hope you’re not caught in the Love-Hate/Love-Tolerate whirlwind. Thank you for stopping by to continue to read and taking your time to comment. I hope it resonates with you at peace. Best to you!
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Nice job! This was great to read!
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Thank you Joshua for taking your time to read this and to send me a comment. It is much appreciated. I hope you are finding yourself living a love–love life. Best to you! 😊
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So true!
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Sad, but true. I hope you have overcome it all to get to the love-love that begins with loving yourself first. 🙏🏻💕
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Wow. You seem like such a strong and powerful woman. There need to be more people like you in this world. You are so awesome! Please keep writing as I feel like writing helps the mind. Please keep sharing as well. You are very talented.
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Hi Dr. Jonathan. I so appreicate your words of encouragement. Writing has been my savior many times. Even when I don’t believe my written words as they flow across the screen, after I am done and reread them over and over again I find that the journey my words took on led me to an understanding and acceptance that I fought to disregard. I apologize for going MIA for awhile. I need to believe that tough times are not means of hibernation but should be a means to express my thoughts in order to glean understanding and clarity. I hope you feel the same and please keep sharing and reading. Again, thank you and I hope you are rocking your world!
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